I’m an ex-pastor.

It’s kind of awkward saying that, to be honest – almost as if it’s sinful. Like I used to be a good person but now, that I’ve left serving the church in a full time capacity, I’ve spun into this dark element of evil doing-ness. But I’ve thought about it quite a bit and still don’t know what else you’d call someone who was once a pastor, other than an ex-pastor.

Previous-pastor?
Prior-pastor?
Used-to-be-a-pastor?

Nothing seems suitable. So I guess we deal with what we got.

Nevertheless, it’s awkward. And not only is it awkward saying it, its just as awkward living it out. As an individual who served many years as a pastor in full time ministry, I find it difficult at times to find my place in this world. (There’s my 90’s Smitty reference for those who are paying attention).

I’m sure many others who have also left the ministry feel the same way I do.

So, my question is this: How does the church process someone like me? What are some things we can do to help restore and reinvigorate ex-pastors within our congregations?

Here are a few ideas floating around my head – some things that might have been or still can be helpful to those who have left the ministry – myself included.

Appreciate an ex-pastors need for healing

According to information drawn from Focus on the Family, Ministries Today, Charisma Magazine, and other respected groups, 1,500 pastors leave the ministry permanently each month in America. They go on to say that 80% of seminary graduates who enter ministry will leave the ministry within the first five years and that 70% of pastors continually battle depression.

To the contrary, some pastors, approximately 23%, say they feel happy and content on a regular basis with who they are in Christ, in their church, and in their home.

Each person’s situation is different. Most that have left the pastorate have done so because of hurt, shame, failure, burnout, frustration, conflict, marital problems, moral failure or something in between. Others have been forced out by their church congregation or leadership due to differences in approach or ministry and personality conflicts. Needless to say, there is a large amount of healing that needs to take place within the individual and the lives of their spouses and children.

For me and my family, after leaving full time ministry four years ago, we’ve gone through a large amount of difficulty – from random bouts of depression to frustrations within our marriage to an underlined irritation for the way things turned out.

I’d say, especially to those with a “build a bridge and get over it” mentality, that encouraging those who have left the pastorate to do just that can be quite unhealthy. What we want most is to assist in reincorporating these individuals within the body of Christ and within the structure of the local church. So, instead of this rough and tough approach, what some might need most is someone to come alongside them, appreciate their hurting, and steadily remind them that God heals, restores, revives, and redeems. This season might take longer than you’d expect but with the right amount of love and encouragement, it can indeed come.

Appreciate the ex-pastors need for anonymity

After searching through a couple dozen churches after leaving the ministry, we landed at a great church. We love the church we attend. We call it home. I’d venture to say that it’s one of the top five largest churches in our area and, though I am involved in little things here and there, I appreciate the amount of anonymity that comes within a large church setting.

For me, it’s a refuge of sorts. Attending a church with a healthy pastor, a unified staff, and a great mission, is a blessing for someone trying to find their way back into a healthy relationship with Christ and the church. (We must remember that just because the individual served the church as a spiritual leader doesn’t mean that their relationship with Christ is – or was – all that grand. In fact, I’d argue that in most cases, individuals who have left the church after serving in a leadership capacity have more of a damaged perception of Christ and more of a disheartened opinion of the church over those who don’t even have a relationship with Jesus.) Not having the pressure of getting involved, being pushed toward another burnout or personal collapse is something that any ex-pastor, not only desires, but needs.

But, if the ex-pastor was being completely truthful, they’d most likely tell you that their desire to rush back into ministry is immense, especially for someone who has experienced little outside of pastoring, regardless of where they are at in their spiritual walk. So, for many, encouraging and providing a little anonymity can go a very long way.

Similarly, spoon feeding small amounts of ministry tasks can also encourage them and renew their desire to be part of a healthy church once again. But, taken from my own experience, throwing them back into the fold before they are ready can discourage and weaken them further. So, needless to say, its a difficult task and large amounts of prayer and discernment are necessary.

Appreciate an ex-pastors need for accompaniment

You might think that I’m encouraging these individuals to deepen their hurt by allotting extra time for healing, but I would argue that, if accompanied with godly assistants who understand that the end result isn’t just another pew warmer but rather a reinstated minister of the gospel, allowing this extra time can be greatly beneficial.

Facts state that 70% of pastors do not have a close friend, confidant, or mentor. If we don’t want these ex-pastors to stay ex-pastors, then we must take part in changing the statistics.

Hopefully it’s our desire to see them restored and back into a ministry position, if it be God’s will, where they are flourishing in the call of God on their lives. And, truthfully, that may or may not look like what it did in prior years. But if we can fit them with individuals, ourselves or other, that will encourage growth, at a pace fitting to their personality and situation, then we’re more likely to see restoration rather than departure.

I’ve seen the collapse of pastors far too many times. I’ve also seen the ex-pastor rush into another ministry position without allotting enough time for healing and restoration, only to see them fall again and again. If it wasn’t for some intentional steps that I have taken, I wouldn’t be where I am today. But even still, there are things that I struggle with, some four years later, which have held me back from moving forward as a minister of the gospel, as a pastor and spiritual leader. If we can recognize and appreciate the needs of ex-pastors within our congregations and make intentional steps to see them restored and reinvigorated within the local church, then I believe we will see a radical reinvention of spiritual direction of today’s church.